I feel grateful. I know many people never see 30 and I have. That's an enormous blessing. While I've had my share of heartache and pain in these 30 years, I've also been blessed with so many wonderful times, memories, and most importantly people. As I look back at the last 30 years there are far more memories that make me smile, than make me feel anything else.
I feel excited. I can't wait to see what the 30 years of my life look like. I can't wait to see what kind of beautiful memories I make and how many more beautiful people I get to meet and love on and enjoy. While I'm an introvert and I like my alone time and I like to keep my circle small, I sure do enjoy loving on and enjoying those people I do let in and I can't wait to see who I'm destined to cross paths with.
But I can't lie there is some sadness for me. I always had hopes and dreams about what life would like at 30 and if I'm brutality honest...this isn't it. I felt really sad coming up this birthday but in the last couple of weeks my feelings have slowly changed. I'm not where I want to be and my life isn't exactly what I wish it was. But I've realized there is never going to be a time where everything is perfect and I'm completely 100% happy with the way things are...and that's okay as long as I'm working to change things.
I am proud. I think in the last 3 or 4 years I've really found who I am and what I believe and feel and I feel I've done a better job in the last 3 or 4 years living as the person I truly am, than I ever have before. I think of who I was at 20 as opposed to who I am at 30 and it's crazy how different I am. I love the woman I am becoming. The last year has been unbelievably hard and full of incredibly hard decisions that I never thought I'd have to make. But I'm proud I've had the strength to make them and to make them in a way that is 100% true to the woman I am. I truly feel I've found my own voice and I desperately needed to do that.
So what are the next 30 years going to hold for me? Who knows lol. I sure don't. But I plan to do everything I can, to make them the best 30 years of my life. I think I'll keep my hopes smaller than I did as a child for when I turned 30 lol. I hope to do a better job taking life one day at a time and finding good in each day. I hope to enjoy more time with the people I love. I hope to do a better job taking in those small moments and the big moments too with the people I love and really enjoying them. I hope to make more time to smell the roses and do things I enjoy doing. I hope to spend more time looking at the stars and moon. I hope to take more pictures. I hope to laugh more. I hope to make people happy more and make them laugh more. I hope to tell them how much I love them more. I hope to learn to be okay with not being everyone's cup of tea and understanding not everyone has my heart and will treat the way I treat them. I hope to do something with my life that makes a difference in someone elses life. I hope to get to taste love again and find someone to enjoy life with. I hope to have my own babies to love on and watch grow and raise. I hope to make lots more beautiful memories. I hope to learn to be kinder to myself. I hope to learn to be okay with putting myself first sometimes because I deserve my own energy, attention, and time as much as anybody else. I hope to see the world. I hope to be more grateful for every breathe, ever birthday, ever holiday, every memory, and every person the good Lord chooses to give me because that's what makes this life beautiful!
Here is some music that is inspiring me today on my birthday!
Happy 30th birthday to me! I hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend!
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