Happy Mother's Day

I'm going to venture away from my 100 Days of Happiness for this post. As you probably know, today is Mother's Day. I've noticed in the last I guess 5 years or so that this holiday has become a ball of mixed emotions for me and this year has been the worst yet.

On one hand Mother's Day is great. I have an amazing mother who I am incredibly blessed to have and thankful for. My sister is a wonderful mother to my amazing nephews. My grandmother is a wonderful mother and grandmother. I love many other women are wonderful strong women and amazing mothers. They all deserve to be celebrated and I enjoy honoring them. I would never for a second think of not honoring them and enjoying this day with them or making this day about myself and my sadness.

But it also doesn't mean I don't feel sad. As long as I can remember I've wanted to be a mother. I dreamed of the day I'd find out I was pregnant, the day I'd tell my family, the first time hearing the heartbeat, the first time feeling the baby move, finding out if it was a boy or a girl, a beautiful baby shower, giving birth and seeing that baby for the first time, the first smile, the first laugh, crawling, first steps, first words, first "I love you mommy", and everything else. I dreamed of a big family but at this point I'd be happy with just one child.

I'm only 29 and it certainly still could happen but every year that passes it feels like that dream is slipping further and further away. It's like a piece of my heart that never existed is missing. It's just a jagged hole. Most of the time the hole is easy to ignore and put out of mind. But this is the one day of the year that, that hole really aches and reminds me of it's presence.  This year for some reason the ache is even worse. I don't really know why. I just know today my arms feel a little more empty and that hole a little bigger and a little more raw. It's crazy how your heart can break from the thought of a child that never existed.

I know I'm not the only one who feel sadness on this day. The are many many many people who have lost their mom. There are many many many mom's who have lost a child. There are many many many women who so long to be a mother and is hasn't happened yet . To these people I would say, it's okay to feel whatever you feel.  To those who love someone who feels a little bit or a lot of sadness on this day, be patient. The human heart is a funny thing.

To all the mother's who are lucky enough to have children to celebrate with today, happy Mother's Day! Please don't take a single second with your child for granted it. I know children(young or old) can be frustrating. They'll break your heart. They'll scare you to death. But there are a whole lot of us who would love to experience those highs and lows and may never get to.

100 Days of Happiness: Day 5

I'm not doing a very good job keeping up with this lol. No excuse, just haven't sat down and wrote an entry. On to my next day of my 100 Days of Happiness.

Day 5: The Twilight Saga(books and movies)

I can hear people groaning now lol. I know most people hate it and have very strong opinions about it. But this isn't their blog 😜.

I'd never heard of Twilight until my younger sister started talking about wanting to see it. I thought it sounded dumb but she was like "Just watch it, you'll like it.". So after it came out on DVD, I did. I was hooked instantly. My sister had borrowed the first book from someone and then she let me read it. I read it in record time. I got my hands on the other books as soon as I could and I read them in record time as well. Breaking Dawn I read in just over 24 hours and it's the longest one lol.

Twilight came into my life at a time where I needed a good distraction and it was a fabulous distraction. People say "It's corney", "It's unrealistic", "It's poorly written", "The acting is bad", "It's just weird", "The relationship between Bella and Edward is controlling and unhealthy" and. I get it. It is corney, it's certainly unrealistic, Stephanie Meyer is certainly not Mark Twain, some of the acting is pretty bad, and of course it's weird it's about vampires who sparkle and drink blood from animals instead of humans lol. I mean what did you really expect 😊? The relationship between Bella and Edward is certainly interesting and there are times that it is controlling(on both sides). However for the most part I think it's pretty accurate of what teenage relationships look like and by the time you get to Breaking Dawn, they've grown and lost most of that childish jealousy crap. But I wouldn't suggest anyone get relationship advice from any movie or book, let alone a movie about a human falling in love with a sparkling vampire and that same human having a werewolf for a best friend 😜. I would hope anybody with a brain would know that these movies and books and the relationships in said movies and books, are not meant as an example.

I realized a long time ago that I am weird and I like weird. I like corney. I like unrealistic stories. Sometimes it's nice to read a book or watch a movie that is deep and realistic and thought provoking. But sometimes I find it really nice to pick up a book or put in a movie that is weird, unrealistic, shallow, corney, and immature. I think that's why I like musicals as well. When things are hard, I'm not looking to read or watch something deep and complicated. I want something light, corney, unrealistic that I can just escape to for a few hours and forget whats bothering me. Twilight has always been that for me. I can escape to Forks and dream of friendly, loving, beautiful, sparkly vampires and big soft kind werewolves and escape the real monsters of life for awhile. After all, it's just a book/movie. It's not that serious 😝! I find it ironic that a lot of the people who heavily criticize the Twilight series, are Harry Potter fans. I mean there are so many kids being sent to some "spooky" looking magic school with a weird gross sounding name to be trained as witches and warlocks lol. To each their own, if you enjoy Harry Potter more power to you but it does nothing for me. If I'm going to watch a movie about witches I'll take Halloweentown or Hocus Pocus or Twitches LOL.  So in the words of  Lorelai Gilmore from Gilmore Girls(another place I love to escape to lol) "You explain yours, I'll explain mine" 😜.

Here are some pictures I found from the movies because I wanted to throw them in lol. I don't own any of them.