I spent a good amount of time as a child trying to understand why I was different than the people around me. I picked a group of friends with big bubbly personalities who thrived in social settings and I didn't do it just once. I'd guess probably 95% of the people I've had or have as friends were/are extroverts. I wanted to be that way myself. But I wasn't. I tried to fake it(if you can find my long lost MySpace page, it'll tell you I'm outgoing....Yeah right lol) but I was very bad at it! I was probably an adult before I heard the word introvert. When I read the description, it was like a light came on in my head! All I could think was this is me! It's taken lots of time for me to accept that I'm never going to be the bubbly outgoing one. I'm never going to be the life of the party. I'm never going to be the one who can talk to anybody. But I'm learning to embrace the things I am and forget the things I'm not(it's a work in progress). Here are somethings I want you to know and things that will make things easier on me and the people I interact with.
10. I'm not dumb or stupid. Don't take my silence or awkwardness as a lack of intelligence. I know that sounds like an obvious statement but I have been treated many times in the past like a moron because I'm quiet and shy. I don't like it and I don't know anybody who would. Treating me that way will instantly cause me to shut down and you probably will never hear a meaningful word from me again.
9. I might have a hard exterior but I'm a pile of goo when you get past that. I'm a very sensitive person. You don't need to use words to cut me deep. I spend lots of time watching people and analyzing them and because of that actions can cause as much or more damage to me as words. I watch how you treat other people. I watch how you talk to other people. When you choose treat me differently I'm going to notice. On the flip side I also notice when someone goes out of their way to check on me, include me, and show me love and respect.
8. If you truly want to get to know me, don't try to do it in a group setting. A group setting is overwhelming, uncomfortable, and exhausting for me. You won't get the best part of me there. I actually like to talk to people and get to know them but I feel the most comfortable being able to do that one on one. Most people are blown away and sometimes overwhelmed by how much I'll talk in a one on one setting with someone I trust :).
7. Along those same lines, I don't like small talk and I'm frankly not that good at it. That is probably when I'm at my most awkward! But I can talk all day about interests, feelings, hopes, and dreams. I love to listen to people talk about themselves and their problems or worries and their hopes and dreams. I don't want to hear about the weather or the football game, I want hear about you! I think some people approach me think I want to hear the opposite but that couldn't be further from the truth!
6. I like to write and its much easier for me than talking. I like to write letters to people(most of which have never been read lol) because it allows me to get my feelings out. So if you really truly want to get to know me and get past my wall, write me a letter, a Facebook message, or ask for my number and text me. Eventually I'll be able to vocally open to you but it takes time, so be patient with me!
5. Like many introverts, I need my creative activities and most times I need those to be solo activities. I love music. I love to sing. I love to play instruments. I love to just listen to music. I also love to do arts and crafts(can never have too much glitter :D). I've recently started coloring and it's heavenly! I spent 3+ hours totally lost in a coloring page the other day and it was beyond heavenly! It was the most recharged I'd felt in ages. I also love to read!
4. I don't like conflict. I don't like drama. So sometimes I take more crap than I should. But that doesn't mean I won't remember what you did or said to try cause drama and it doesn't mean I'll put myself in a position to deal with your drama again.
3. Once I let you in my wall, it takes a lot to get rid of me :). So you better make sure your good with that before getting to know me! You should feel lucky if I let you in my wall because it doesn't happen often!
2. I don't like to approach people with my problems or even just to say I miss you and I miss talking to you. I constantly worry I'll be a bother to someone if I do, so it's easier to just not reach out. So if I tell you I'm fine and you know I'm not, keep pushing and let me know you want to talk and I'm not a not a bother. I might put on a tough act and say I don't need anyone but I do! I'm still human and I still crave that human interaction. I still find myself in need of a shoulder to cry on.
1. Along those same lines, just because I love my alone time and need it, I still get lonely! I see a lot of talk about people who are introverts not getting lonely but I'm not that way. I feel a constant struggle between wanting to stay in my box and wanting to reach out to people. It gets frustrating and lonely sometimes.
The main thing I feel people need to know about me is while being an introvert certainly has its down side, I'm happy with who I am. If I suddenly switched personalities and became that outgoing, bubbly, extroverted person I wanted to be when I was younger I wouldn't be me! There is nothing wrong with being an extrovert either. As I already mentioned, I'm drawn to them. They make up a big portion of my circle. It takes all kinds to make the world go round :).
But I am very much a work in progress. I've been really struggling lately because I want to reach out to someone and I don't know how or what to say. I want to just be able to say "I miss you and I miss talking to you, let's talk" but every time I try something stops me. It's aggravating but I know everyone has their flaws and things they have to work on, this is mine.
I hope in the future that in general people are more accepting of introverted people. I hope introverted kids especially are better accepted and given the chance to just be. Because I know from experience being pushed to be something you aren't is awful. I would tell kids who are going through that to ignore those people and embrace who they are, because there is nothing wrong with who they are!
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