100 Days of Happiness: Day 5(long emotional post)

I have to tell you when I started gathering pictures for this blog, I never expected to end up in tears but here I am lol. There are a few reasons for the tears and I'll explain more later in the blog.

I decided I wanted Ruidoso, New Mexico to be my Day 5. To be very honest vacations weren't a regular part of my life until our first trip to Ruidoso in 2010. My family are mountain, outdoors, cool, mountain shower kind of people. We went to Lake Brownwood here in Texas one year and the trip was in short a disaster. So we decided to try something else. Everyone but my sister and me had been to Ruidoso before and let me tell you it didn't take long for my sister and me to fall totally in love with this place.

Ruidoso is village in south central New Mexico. It's surrounded by the Sierra Blanca mountains and also the Sacramento mountains. It is also surrounded by the Lincoln National Forest. There are many rivers  and  lakes around the Ruidoso are as well .  The 3 villages of Ruidoso Downs, Ruidoso, and Alto all sort of run together. The Mescalero Apache Indian Reservation is very close by and they run the ski area, Ski Apache, as well as the Inn of the Mountain Gods, which is a big resort with a casino, hotel, and golf course. Ruidoso Downs has a very nice well known horse track and is what they are known for.   Capitan, New Mexico( home of the Smokey the Bear Museum) and Cloudcroft, New Mexico(another popular vacation spot) are just short drives from Ruidoso. That's just small fraction of the stuff in and around Ruidoso.

We went every year from 2010 through 2015. I loved our trips there. I love Ruidoso. It's a little mountain village but there is a Starbucks, a Wal-Mart, lots of local restaurants, but also lots of chain restaurants. The shops are great as well. I've just found no place like Ruidoso. This place stole a large chunk of my heart the moment I first arrived and I'm afraid I'm never going to get it back. Unfortunately I'm not sure when or even if I'll ever be back there. Life changes and suddenly other things take priority. Ruidoso is just another thing that last year took from my family and me.  That's a big part of why looking at the pictures I've taken and thinking about Ruidoso made me cry. I miss it so much. I'd given anything to spend a few days there now. I'd give anything to take my nephews there. If I never get to go back, I'll be completely heartbroken. 

The other reason for the tears was a place near Ruidoso and Ski Apache called Bonito Lake. The first couple of years we went, it was one of my family and my  favorite places. It was stunning(pictures to come). The lake is fairly small but the area around was full of beautiful old trees. It was a popular place for people to camp and there was/is a church camp near by. The first couple of times we went the lake had several of the biggest fish I've ever seen. We fished there a couple of times but never caught anything. In June of 2012, a forest fire started(it was started by lightening) and burned for many days(it was call the Little Bear Fire if you wish to look it up and learn more about it). It devastated the area around the lake. Although the fire didn't reach the lake, it still got close enough that run off from rains after the fire filled the lake with tons and tons of ash, silt, and sediment(there was about 50 feet of ash, silt, and sediment deposited on the bottom of the lake). It basically ruined the lake. Those big fish I loved to watch who were who knows how old were wiped out, in fact all the fish were wiped out. They've been working since then to try to clean up the lake but it's been hard work and slow going. It's been closed all this time and they've now pushed it's reopening to August of 2018. Who really knows if that will happen. Seeing the pictures of that area before the fire and the pictures of the area after always breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. I know this is the natural order of things(Mother nature gives and Mother nature takes away) but it's still so so sad to me.

I guess it's time to start putting in some pictures and stuff!

The drive from Roswell to Ruidoso is amazing!! You can start to see the mountains right outside of Roswell and these pictures don't do justice to how beautiful it is! The first picture is clearly in Ruidoso, I just wanted to start off with it lol.

The main street in Ruidoso with all the shops and my favorite restaurant there, Cafe Rio. Unfortunately I never took a picture of Cafe Rio, I wish I had of lol. There are wooden bears everywhere. This one is my favorite!

The beauty around this place never stops taking my breath away, even when looking at the pictures

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The first year we went, we actually stayed in Alto. We were right across the highway from Alto lake. It was beautiful too. It also was damaged by the fire but not as bad ad Bonito and it has recovered faster than Bonito. These were taken that first trip is 2010 well before the Little Bear Fire. I don't guess I have any from after the fire but it was pretty much back to it pre fire look when we were there in 2015.

The ride up to the ski area is curvy and kind of crazy(it's even made me motion sick a couple of times lol) but it is stunning! There is a place you can stop and take pictures and it's just breath taking. These are pictures from that road at different times.

Here are some pictures from Bonito Lake in 2010 before the fire.

These are photos taken the next year(2011). The area round Ruidoso had been really dry that year and the lake was really low. It's no wonder if they were dry enough for the lake to drop that much in a year, that less than a year later the area would be devastated by a wildfire.

When we were there in 2012 it was just a few weeks after the fire and you couldn't get close to Bonito. In 2013, we went to Red River instead. So the next pictures are from 2014, over 2 years after the fire. There was burned trees and ash all over the surface of the water still. The smell was awful. The water used to be so clear you could see the bottom of the lake standing up by the road(which is a good distance). After the fire you couldn't see the bottom of the lake at all. The water was a murky green black and there was zero life in it.

The last time we were there in 2015, I'd hoped it would be better. But they were in the process of draining it and it was actually worse!

Here are the rivers that flow into and out of Bonito Lake.

The Smokey the Bear Museum was great as an adult but I imagine it would be even better for kids! Great exhibits, a video, and a walking trail outside with all kind of plants. They honor Smokey the Bear well!

They flowers and wildlife around Ruidoso are amazing! I never get enough of it!

Last but not least, the Rudisos Downs Racetrack! I love horses, so watching them run was always fun for me.

Well this blog too way longer than any other blog I have ever written lol. But it was fun! It's sad to think I may never see this place again. But it's wonderful to look back at the memories and be able to share some of them! I hope one day I do get to go back because there is no where I enjoying being more than Ruidoso and the mountains! I hope you guys enjoyed this blog. Don't expect another one this long for awhile lol!

What's going on in my life(why I disappeared) and continuing 100 Days of Happiness

Well as you can see it's been about 5 or 6 weeks since I've posted on here. I told myself I was going to write more. I was going to do more with this blog and do different things with this blog. But then life got hard and I felt like the weight of the entire world was sitting on my shoulders(and I still feel that way) and the first thing I abandoned was writing.

I don't know why writing is always the first thing I run from when things get hard. I've written nothing since my last entry...nothing. I know that part of it writing while great therapy for me, forces me to look at everything and analyze and not just ignore it. In some ways, it allows me to escape but in others it forces me to be present and deal with everything. I also have idea as crazy as it sounds, that if I put stuff in writing not only does it make things real, it feels like I'm asking for things to get worse. Please don't expect me to explain that because well there is no way I can lol. It's just how my crazy mixed up brain works ROFL.

The last couple of years have been crappy...really really really crappy.  I feel like I've not had the chance to process anything that has happened over the last 2 years because about the time one crap storm ended another has been in full force. At first, it's okay. You can balance a few things. You can put a few things on the back burner. You can put a smile on your face and pretend to be okay. But as time goes on and more and more and more is being stacked up, it's not okay...you're not okay. It weighs you down, it screws with your mind and emotions, and you begin to feel like you'll never truly be happy again. I remember thinking about this time last year that I couldn't wait for life to go back to normal and I remember about November of last year when I realized, that the "normal" I used to know was gone and it's not coming back. You reach a point where your heart is so broken and damaged that you can't see how it will ever heal.  There are lessons to be learned and realizations that are made during these times in life. I know I've had a few of those. I've certainly been reminded yet again how short life is and that it's too short to live your life in a way that doesn't make you happy to make others happy. I've had many things in my life that need to be dealt with plopped in front of me. I've realized I have decisions I need to make. You only get one life, you better do things that make you happy and love people and tell people you love them because one day your time on Earth will be over and your chance to do those things will be gone. I've realized how I don't want to treat people who are hurting. But tonight I just feel all the pain, fear, sadness, and unknowns are clouding everything.

I know you're probably thinking "Melinda you sound depressed and very pessimistic" and you'd be completely correct. I am depressed. The things that used to bring me joy, don't anymore. A few years ago I'd be loving life right now because it's NCAA softball season. But this year I'm finding it hard to really get into it. It's been better the last couple of weeks but it's far from the way it used to be before(hence why I have a softball blog I haven't even looked at in over a year). Most mornings I wake up and all I can think about is pulling the blankets over my head and going back to sleep. It takes all the strength I have most days to get me out of bed. But I do it. I'm broken, tired, and frankly scared. It probably doesn't help that I really really dislike Spring and Summer. Someone sent me an article the other day talking about reverse seasonal depression and all I could think was "Wow that is so me!". Most people have seasonal depression in Winter but a few of us have reverse seasonal depression. That means it hits in Spring and Summer and starts to let up in Fall. Most people just don't get it and I don't get what is so great about flowers, sun, and warm/hot temperatures lol. Dealing with everything else going on and Spring has been terrible this year.   That's why I started this 100 Days of Happiness. I need to be reminded as much as anyone that even though things are bad right now and have been for quite sometime, there is still good in the world and still things that do make me smile. I need to be reminded of good memories. Hopefully one of these days, these storm clouds will pass and I'll come out stronger and happier than I could ever imagine now.

A couple of things that did make me happy lately were my youngest nephew turning a year old and getting to spend Easter with my sister and nephews! They are getting so big and are changing and learning so fast, it makes my head spin. They are truly the light and loves of my life!

These pictures are from Cannon's 1st birthday party!

This is both of the boys in matching outfits at Easter!

On to the next entry in my 100 Days of Happiness!

Day 4: YouTube


I probably watch more YouTube videos in one day than most people watch in a month lol. I enjoy family vlog channels, reborn/silicone baby channels, live webcams(I've watched all kinds of thinks I'll probably never see in real life. My favorite being the northern lights!), documentaries, someone has even been uploading televised softball games. Pretty much any kind of video you want is on YouTube. It's a great distraction!

My Mom and I have been watching a lot 9/11 stuff lately. We watched news coverage of the attacks and for several days after. We've watched documentaries. I think we've watched pretty much every 9/11 video on YouTube(except the conspiracy videos). I know why I enjoy them so much but I do. I guess I just feel like my brain is still struggling to understand it all.

I just like documentaries period. I like learning about events and people. YouTube has a great selection of documentaries! It makes me happy because as I already said it's a great distraction and also there is just always a video to make me smile!

Well that's all for tonight. Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow with another 100 Days of Happiness entry!

100 Days of Hapiness: Day 3

Day 3: Coloring

I never stopped coloring. Before the adult coloring craze caught on I bought children's coloring books and crayons or colored pencils or markers and colored with those. I love the adult coloring books and using colored pencils, gel pens, occasionally eye shadow. I've found in the last couple of years when life has been so crazy and hard and I've struggled with depression and anxiety, that coloring really helped. I can get lost in it and relax a little(because let's face it I don't ever completely relax).  Here are some pictures I've colored:

100 Days of Happiness: Day 2

Today is Big Cat Rescue!
Big Cat Rescue Facebook page
Big Cat Rescue websitec
One of the Big Cat Rescue Youtube channe
lBig Cat Rescue's other Youtube page

I've always loved big cats(especially tigers, lions, and cougars) and I love the work this group does. They are an accredited sanctuary in Tampa, Florida. They are one of the biggest in the world for abused and abandoned big cats.

They do amazing things for these cats! They have the best vet care, diet, and great enrichment activities for their big cats to ensure they are comfortable, happy, and healthy. For the vast majority of those cats it's the first time they've had those things in their lives.

I love watching their videos on Youtube and watching them feed the cats live on Facebook Live each evening. I wish I could afford to help them out. But since I can't I'll pass on this group and the amazing things they do!

Here are some of my favorite cats:

Zabu and Cameron

This isn't my picture. It belongs to Big Cat Rescue.

Zabu is a white tiger and Cameron is a lion. They were rescued together and very bonded. Because they were so close BCR didn't want to separate them. So they live together. Zabu is hyper and likes to play and run around. Cameron is a typical sleepy lion but occasionally Zabu cab talk him into playing with her :). You learn more about both of them here:

Zabu
Cameron

Joseph or JoJo the lion

Joseph is big and loud and everything you would think of a lion being! He is has a beautiful thick mane! To learn more about Joseph go here:
Joseph the Lion

Sabre the black leopard

 Sabre is thought to be the oldest leopard  alive. He recently turned 25! He is so beautiful! To learn more about Sabre go here:

Sabre the black leopard

Aspen the Cougar

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Aspen is a cougar. She has quite a personality and is very hyper and playful! If you want to know more about Aspen go here:

Aspen Echo the cougar


That is all for today! Please stop by and check out Big Cat Rescue and learn about this great organization and all of their beautiful animals!

100 Days of Happiness...Melinda style!

I've decided to start a couple of new series on here and the first one is "100 Days of Happiness" but I'm going to put my spin on it a little bit. If you don't know what that is, it's normally done on Facebook with just a picture a short explanation. You can google it for more information. I'll try to keep up with this and do a new one each day(but I make no promises lol). I started this before on Facebook but didn't finish. But I feel the last year has really put things in perspective for me and made me realize I need to make more time for appreciating the good things in life.   The other series I want to do is reviewing movies. I love movies. I'll start that on a different day but if I put it on here I'll be more likely to follow through lol. Let's get started on the 100 Days of Happiness.

Day 1:
My nephews!

They always make me smile and feel so much joy.

Zander is 2. He is feisty, sassy, hyper, dramatic, but he's also very funny, sweet, and loving. He melts my heart everything he laughs or smiles. I love watching him play and learn. He's really talking a lot now and his personality is coming out more and more. He has a sweet tooth like his Tia(me lol). He likes suckers, fruit chews, cake, cookies lol. He loves basket balls and soccer balls and footballs lol. He's a crazy kid but amazing! I'm so glad he's my nephew!

We brought his Mommy a birthday cake and he loved it :)

 Cannon is 11 months old(yesterday actually). He is so sweet and cuddly! He loves Minions. He loves food! He's just a sweet sweet baby boy :). He just recently started crawling and pulling up. I think he had he ability for awhile but he just decided to do it recently lol. He also recently learned to clap and it is adorable! I can't imagine life without him!

So that's a little about my nephews and why they make me happy! I love those little guys like my own! At this point I don't know that I will ever have kids, so I plan to enjoy every minute with these two! It's a constant tug of war of being excited to see them grow and learn and being sad at how fast they are growing. I feel like Cannon's first year of life has gone by 4 or 5 times as fast as Zander's did. Sadly I feel like because the last year has been such a mess we've didn't really get to enjoy his first year of life the way we would have liked to(at least I know I didn't). Hopefully his 2nd year will be better :). I'll be back tomorrow with another day of happiness!

10 baby names I love but would never use

I've been seeing this thing on YouTube where people list 10 names they love but would never use. So I decided to do it on my blog. So let's get started. I'm going to go back and forth between girl and boy names. 

1. Hannah
I love the sound of this name and the way it looks. I've loved it since I was a kid. But it's very popular. There are two in my family already, so yep I'd never use it.

2. Blaire
I know most people associate this as a girls name but I've always liked it as a boys name. Blaire was the middle name of every boy baby doll I had as a kid. However given it's popularity as a girl's name I'd never use it.

3. Emma
Emma was often my go to name for girl dolls. It's pretty and feminine. But I know two people I don't like with daughters named Emma...and I just can't imagine using it now lol.

4. Alexander
Alexander is such a strong masculine name. I love the way it sounds. But my ..oldest nephew is named Zander...so yeah lol.

5. Bella
Love the name but I have a dog named Bella...so yeah lol.

6. Jaden
Jaden is another name I've always liked. But it seems everyone I know has an Aidan, Hayden, Caden, or Jaden. Popularity doesn't usually bother me but this is one name that is too popular even for me!

7. Alexis
I love the name. But my sister had a friend when we were kids named Lexi who was really annoying. Her given name was Alexis. I'd just never be able to think of anything else if I used the name.

8. Camden
I discovered this name a few years ago and fell for it quickly. Apparently everyone else did too because it's become very common since then, for boys and girls. So I'd probably never use it.

9. Abigail
Abigail or Abby is another name I used for my dolls a lot as a kid. Then I went to middle school and met a girl named Abby and that took care of that for me lol.

10. Noah
Noah is a cute name and it's biblical but it's another that is just a little too popular for me.

That was a lot of fun. Maybe one day I'll do names I love and want to use!