It goes on

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life:It goes on."

I adore that quote! I've long dreamed of having it tattooed somewhere but who knows if that will ever happen. The funny thing about the fact that I adore that quote, is it is completely opposite of how I handle things :).

Moving on has never been my strongest  skill. I am especially that way with people. I don't let a lot of people in. I don't allow myself to get attached to many people. But when I do, I cling to them and our relationship like a sticker to a piece of construction paper. Separating the two is almost impossible and when you finally do it, neither one is ever the same.

In some ways, it's good. Nobody could ever say I'm not loyal lol. I'm so loyal, I'd probably drive you nuts. I'm willing to fight for relationships. I pour all I have into people I love. But on the other hand it's bad. Often times I find myself in a position where I'm giving, and giving, and giving some more and I never get anything in return. I can do that at first and I can continue doing it for awhile. But eventually I'm going to run out of stuff to give. All too often I don't realize someone is draining me until I'm empty.  In other words, I let myself get walked all over. I think some of it has to do with the fact that I have a hard time believing anybody would want to be friends with me, just for me. Some of it is just the simple fact that I adore seeing the people I love happy and I'll do anything to make that happen. Another bad thing about how attached I get is that when a relationship is over, I really really struggle to let go.

I look back at my life and I see many friendships I should've walked away from long before I did. I see people who had let me go and instead of accepting it, I dug my nails in and refused to let go of them. That leaves my heart bruised and battered. But I don't seem to know how to handle things in any other manner.

Every time it happens I promise myself I'm not going to let it happen again. But I do. I'm doing it right now and I know I am. But I can't convince my heart to let this person go. I know I have to. I know they've let me go and they've made their choice. But I adore this person and the thought of not having them in my life breaks my heart. I think the worst part is I don't understand why they've let me go and walked away.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess just putting it out there and kind of venting about it. We as humans long for closure in situations. We seem to forget that our lives aren't movies. We aren't guaranteed closure. Sometimes good things end and you've just got to accept that and move on. I need to be better with this. Hopefully one day I'll be able to do that.