"Some shit storms are just shit storms"

I don't know where this is going to go or how long it's going to be or what I'm going to say, so be warned :).

I've been struggling for awhile with the whole "everything happens for a reason" line. I used to tell people that. I used to believe it. Now I think about some of the times I said it and I cringe! There are a couple of people I wish I could go to and say "I was cold and dismissive and I'm very sorry. I wish I would've said I'm sorry and that I loved you and I was here if you needed me" but they'd probably think I was nuts and who knows maybe I am.

So quick disclaimer I'm not preaching at anyone or trying to tell anyone how they should feel about that line. I'm just expressing something that I feel. I know most people who say it, say it with the best of intentions and to try to make someone feel better and I'm not judging anyone else for saying it.

So I guess you're probably wondering how I got to this point. About a year and half ago something happened that completely crushed my heart. I'm not going to discuss the details or the how or whys(frankly I still don't understand most of the hows or whys). But I will say it was something that I realized quickly most people didn't understand why it was so crushing for me. I didn't discuss it with a lot of people but when I did I got lot of chirping crickets, blank stares, and "Okay...". I think the fact that so many of the people around me just didn't understand how badly I'd been hurt, made for some weird and hurtful comments. It also made me even more sensitive about the situation and my feelings about the situation. Within a day or two I just stopped talking about it

But before I did I had someone who had the best of intentions in their heart say "I know you're upset now but everything happens for a reason." That was probably the first time I have ever experienced pain from that line and suddenly a thousand instances flashed into my head of times I'd used that line and probably made someone feel the way I was feeling right then and it crushed me even further.

I have a soft gooey heart, especially for the people who are special to me. I hate seeing the people who are special to me hurting. I'm also very sensitive to the people around me and I often times know something's wrong with someone or their hurting or scared or going through a hard time or whatever without being told. Which is both good and bad. It's good because I often times can let someone know I'm thinking of them and I love them before I even know what is going on and/or before they're ready to share and/or they never intend to share. But the bad side is knowing someone I love is hurting and they don't feel comfortable talking to me and not knowing how to support them, it sucks. But all of that leads to me being in this desperate search for the right words. I want to make everything all better. I find myself constantly reminding myself, there are just some things I can't make better no matter what I say. But in the past in that desperation I've said some pretty crazy things including "Everything happens for a reason".

So in that moment when my heart was desperately looking for some comfort  and I got "Everything happens for a reason",  I realized I'd been using that line to avoid people's emotions and pain. My heart desperately needed to hear "I'm so sorry someone hurt you like that. I love you and I'm here if you need me." I realized sometimes less is more. The idea that my words had made someone feel what I was feeling in that moment made me just sick and again there are people I truly wish I could go to and apologize without looking like a moron.

The reality is I don't believe everything happens for reason. There isn't a single thing you could get or learn from losing a child that would make it okay. The same thing can be said for many different situations for many different people.  Some shit storms are just shit storms. The only reason some things happen is because we are flawed human beings with flawed bodies living in a flawed world with other flawed human beings.

So I've been trying to do a better job of just letting people know I care and I'm here if they need me.  It's still hard for me to accept that I can't fix everyone's problems or make everyone feel better with my words. But I definitely take more time to think about what I say before I say anything.  I've also been trying to do a better job just allowing myself to feel what I feel and not trying to change those feelings because someone else might think they are wrong. I know everything happening for a reason brings comfort for some people. But for me it felt like more work. It felt like I was being told to just forget about my feelings and look for a deeper magical meaning. It felt like I was being told my feelings were wrong. I know that's not what most people mean but that's how it's always felt to me.

Don't ever let anyone make you believe your feelings are wrong or too strong. You are allowed to feel whatever you feel about a situation. Don't worry about trying to find some kind of magical meaning or lesson to be found or learned in every situation. The only thing you should do is concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. You are allowed to break down and cry. Just don't give up because in my experience shit storms can't last forever :).  It's easy to wish those bad times away but don't do it. Sometimes the best moments in your life happen in a flash in the midst of the deepest darkest shit storms and if you're so busy wishing time away or looking for magical deeper meaning, you might just miss those moments :).

Part 2 of Gilmore Girls: A year in the life, Summer and Fall

Time for part 2! Let's hop right into it :).

Summer
Things I loved about Summer:

I love that Lorelai seems to have gotten to know and have a relationship with April. I loved seeing Carol King back as Sophie. I loved Rory being editor of the Stars Hollow Gazette and the scene where her and Lorelai are delivering papers was probably the best scene in Summer. I love that Rory had Doyle write for the paper. The oath before the musical was hilarious. I loved seeing Carol King(or Sophie lol) sing and play the piano. The part where the actress gripes at Lorelai about her opinions reminds me of the ballerina at Yale who came after Rory lol. I love that Rory writing a book was Jess's idea. For some reason I loved when Lorelai put Rory on hold to Google something lol. The new song for the musical was amazing and made me cry!

Things I didn't like about Summer:

April! I'm not one of those people who didn't like her in the original series. I actually liked her a lot. She was brilliant and extremely well spoken and well rounded. I loved watching Luke as a father as well. But in the special they might as well have bleached her hair blonde(I feel the need to point out here that I am a blonde and I hate blonde jokes lol). She was weird and ditzy and communicated like a 13 year old. I just didn't get it. If there was one thing I could change about the special that would be it. The idea of Michel leaving the Dragonfly breaks my heart. Emily sleeping until noon made me sad. The musical was funny and totally Taylor and Stars Hollow but it was too long in my opinion. Lorelai's reaction to Rory's book confused me. Watching Lorelai and Luke fight made me sad. I get the need to get away and do something out of the ordinary but it was still sad to think of Lorelai leaving.

Fall

Things I loved about Fall:

Watching Lorelai try to pack her pack was as funny as I thought it would be. She is certainly not a nature person. The multiple locks on the door at the gazette reminded me of the apartment Rory, Paris, and Doyle lived in, in college. I loved Luke getting advice from Jess. It was great to see Collin and Finn again. I love that Rory decided to write at Emily and Richard's. That scene where is walking about their house was so emotional for me for some reason. I loved that Lauren Graham's boyfriend played a park ranger. Lorelai calling Emily and telling her, her favorite story about her dad was beautiful and yet incredibly heartbreaking. It was certainly one of the top moments for me and I bawled like a baby. I loved the scene where Emily kept saying "Bullshit" during the DAR meeting. The journey Emily took during this special was incredible. I loved that Miss Silene helped with their wedding clothes. I loved when Lorelai asked Emily for money to buy a bigger building for the Dragonfly and Emily quoted Richard exactly. "You need money", "You need money", "You need money". It was like when Lorelai asked for money for Chilton all over.  Lorelai's reaction to Sookie being back was amazing! I know a lot of  people felt their chemistry was off but I don't agree. Seeing them together made me melt!! Finally getting to see Sookie was great! I loved all the cakes she made. But the last one and the stories behind all the stuff on it was amazing :). I loved Emily working at the whale museum. It was the first time in the special that she seemed truly happy. I loved that Lorelai finally came around to the book and that she told her to drop the "the". I personally loved the wedding scene. I loved that it was small and simple. I loved that they used the same music from Lorelai and Luke's first dance. I loved that they got married in the gazebo. I loved the giant key that unlocked the door to where they got married. I loved the black hat. They could've taken it from Amy's closet lol. I loved that the last scene was just Lorelai and Rory. Honestly I'm in the minority I think but I loved the ending. It was the way it was supposed to end.

Things I didn't like about Fall:
The Life and Death Brigade scene was a little long for my liking. The meeting between Rory and Christopher was really awkward. But it made more sense after seeing the end. It was so sad to think of Emily selling her house. I wish Sookie could've been at the little wedding.

I'm kind of surprised how few things I didn't like about Fall lol.

I know lots of people hated the end and hated Rory and hated we didn't see Luke and Lorelai's big wedding. But I wasn't one of them. The end to me was a surprise at first but made perfect sense after I thought about it. Everything came full circle. I've had people say "Rory was supposed to have more." She was and did. Rory is in her 30s, she has a college degree, she's traveled the world, she's writing a book. Rory has seen and done lots more than Lorelai. I feel like people like to gloss over who Rory was in the original series(especially the last few seasons). Rory was incredibly smart but she made crazy decisions and sometimes straight up bad decisions. Rory always had a hard time figuring out what she wanted. Rory in the special was Rory. As far as Luke and Lorelai's wedding, I loved it! I always pictured their wedding being small and magical and it was.

Overall I loved Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life. I know people think because of how it ended that there will be more. I'm not so sure. I don't really care if there is. If this is how it ends, I'm good. If they make more I'd enjoy those too. To be honest, if they couldn't get Melissa McCarthy on board, I'd almost rather they didn't make anymore lol.

I know they'll never read this or care but I'm so unbelieveably grateful for Amy Sherman- Palladino and Daniel Palladino for creating this show and for writing the special. They did a fantastic job. My favorite quote from the special was "I want to remember it all, every detail." That's how I felt about this special. I did my best to soak up every minute and every detail. It is incredibly rare, pretty much unheard of, for a show to get this chance! Well done Amy and Daniel, Netflix, the other people who worked on lights, sounds, props, sets(the sets were so amazing and so close to the orginals, it blew me away!) and all the other behind the scenes stuff, and the actors!

Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life Part 1(there will be spoilers)

   I put it in the title but I will say it again, this blog will contain spoilers for Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life. If you haven't watched it and plan to(why haven't you lol) and don't want anything spoiled exit now :).  I'm doing this in two parts. This part will be a little overview of my opinion on it and specific things I liked and didn't like about Winter and Spring.

  I have now watched each part twice. The first time I watched two one day and two the next. I just watched and really took them in and enjoyed them. The second time I spent a little more time watching and taking notes. I'm sure you don't care about that but there it is anyway if you care lol.

  Overall I loved them all! I truly felt it was the last season the show should have had. I know one of the top priorities with this was to honor Edward Hermann/Richard Gilmore and Amy Sherman-Palladino and her husband Daniel Palladino out did themselves in that department. You could tell the love and pain they portrayed was real in both the writing and the faces of Kelly Bishop, Lauren Graham, and Alexis Bledel. I'm sure he is smiling down and proud of them and the special they all created.

But he was missed. I felt super emotional watching the parts about Richard's death. Edward Hermann was a great man and so was Richard Gilmore and the world is certainly darker without them.

So let's hop into the individual parts!

Winter

Things I loved about Winter:

I loved Gypsy kicking Lorelai's car and hating on it. It was a nice connection to the original series. I loved that they put a Friday night dinner in pretty early on. I've missed those! I loved the huge picture of Richard. He was a big character and personality and he deserved a big picture.  The funeral scene was great! It was sad and yet did a great job honoring Richard. It was the first of many times I cried. I loved that Paris was a fertility specialist(and that she took it so seriously just like she does everything else lol). At first I wasn't thrilled but after watching it a second time I was like you know Paris was always one to do things you'd never expect and it works. I felt the same about the Logan and Rory story line. At first, I was like no, no no! But Rory never was good at letting people go and making clean break ups and Logan could never completely break free from his family. The combination made for this story line. Rory always wanted to love Logan and be married to him but it just wasn't right( much like Lorelai and Christopher). I love seeing Emily trick Lorelai into therapy. It was like a flash of the old Emily.

Things I didn't like about Winter:
I didn't like the lack of Sookie. I get it, Melissa McCarthy is a big name actress with a full schedule. She didn't have time to shoot more than that. But she as very much missed by me. The different people brought in to be the chef at the Dragonfly were great( Rachael Ray was my favorite). But Sookie should always be the chef at the Dragonfly :). The Paul storyline wasn't my favorite. I get it. It was another way to how mixed up she was. But I could've done without it lol. But it did remind me of the Alex guy Lorelai dated who was never right and vanished with little explanation. I hated that Paris and Doyle weren't togeter and that Paris had basically become her mother. I get it, that's the standing theme for the show but that doesn't mean I have to like it :). I couldn't believe Luke and Lorelai hadn't talked about kids in 10 years lol.

Spring
Things I love about Spring:

 I loved that therapy was so awkward for Emily and Lorelai. I know it sound strange but it was just the way it was meant to be. I loved that they threw in the basket bidding! That was such a special episode in the orignal series. Love that Mr. Kim made a random appearance. Loved that the Chesire Cat was brought up, that was another special espisode from the orginal series. I loved the Paul Anka dreams. I loved that Kirk shot part of his short film at Luke and Lorelai's and Lorelai is standing right there and doesn't see him. Again I loved Rachael Ray guest starring. Loved the whole Paris and Rory going back to Chilton. I loved and totally expected Rory's lucky outfit was in Lorelai's closest. I mean where else would it be lol.

Things I didn't like about Spring:

Naomi....enough said. The character and the story line were both not needed in my opinion. No Sookie or Jackson(yeah I'm bringing that up again and we never do see Jackson :(  ). Kirk's hair at the Red and White movie theatre but it was totally Kirk. Listening to Lorelai talk about Richard's death, although it was beautiful. Rory tap dancing...no thanks. I just don't get it. The whole news story about lines...again don't get it. The Wookie story line...again don't get it. Seeing Rory so lost makes me sad.

Okay that's the end of part one! I think it's very interesting that these were my first two because Winter was my favoirte and Spring was my least favorite lol. Hoping to have part 2 up very soon(a few hours is my goal but I make no promises).