At least trying! "Failure is simply an opportunity to begin again" I saw that on my Facebook page earlier and I find it to be so true. I've been out of school nearly 3 semesters now, so a year and half. I guess that wasn't really a failure per say but it felt like one for me at the time. It took me a long time to get the courage to go to college. I worked hard and really loved it! Sure it wasn't always rainbows, it was hard! But I was doing something with my life, I was making something of myself. I was really angry when they told me after 2 years that I couldn't come back because of something as stupid as not having a graduation date on my transcript! I still think it was stupid and I always will. But having this year and half to reevaluate my life and where I'm going has been invaluable. I am NOT the same person I was a year and half ago. I don't think there is a year and half in my life that I have changed more.
I think I have a much better understanding of who I am than I ever have before. Some of things I already knew, I just didn't want to deal with it and some things I didn't know. But that isn't something I'm discussing right now lol. Over the last year or so it's started to occur to me that I don't really have that much desire to be a teacher. I chose education I think because it seemed easy and fairly quick. I don't feel like I really thought it out that well. I don't think I really understood what I was getting myself into. I've been trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I thought about being a writer and at some point I'd still LOVE to do that. I've thought about several things but psychology/psychiatry kept coming back to me. The more I've looked into it the more I like the idea of it. I can do several things with a degree in psychology. I like the idea of working with trouble youth or working with children in some way. It's going to be hard I know that. It's going to take a long time and I am getting a late start. But I believe I can do it! For the first time I am excited at the thought of something. I'm excited for the future. I'me excited to see where life will take me!
I wonder where I would be if I hadn't been made to stop going to college. I would have been almost done with my degree, a degree I didn't really want. I was so mad when this happened and could see nothing good coming from it. But I found myself last night thanking God for this chance to have some time to think about what I really wanted and a chance to hit rewind and start over. Not many people get that chance and I am so thankful to get that chance! It's funny how things that feel like the worst thing ever, often turn out to be the start of something so much better!
I took my GED test 3 weeks ago tomorrow, hoping to get the results tomorrow and hoping I passed! The plan is to go back to Clarendon College and finish my associates degree and then transfer to the undergraduate psychology program at West Texas A&M! Let's home things go as planned this time LOL! I'm ready to move on with my life. I'm ready to move out on my own, start a career, and find a new beginning! I think that is long over due, mostly do to my own decisions! But it's time to step out of my own way and start a new chapter!
